


time to lose yourself within a morning star

by notthebigspoon



Category: Baseball RPF, Original Work
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-09-27
Updated: 2012-09-27
Packaged: 2017-11-15 04:01:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/522916
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notthebigspoon/pseuds/notthebigspoon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was always an understood thing that Ezra was going to play baseball. He did t-ball, little league and went out for the team in junior high. And that was good, great, he loved it, loved everything about baseball. Even functioning under the pressure of having two dads that had first played pro and then went to coaching, he loved it. The pressure was something he took an odd sort of enjoyment in. He didn't want to do as good as his dads, he wanted to do better. And when anyone said he wouldn't make it to the majors, it just pissed him off, made him want it more, made him work harder for it. Fuck them, he was going to the show.</p><p>Title taken from 100 Years by Five For Fighting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	time to lose yourself within a morning star

**Author's Note:**

> This is an exercise in self indulgence that ties into the [ time well wasted](http://archiveofourown.org/series/25887) verse. Listed it without fandom because it's mostly original fic with only smatterings of RPF. Twas written mostly for my own entertainment while I was at work but is more than partially dedicated to Aly and Bailey.

It was always an understood thing that Ezra was going to play baseball. He did t-ball, little league and went out for the team in junior high. And that was good, great, he loved it, loved everything about baseball. Even functioning under the pressure of having two dads that had first played pro and then went to coaching, he loved it. The pressure was something he took an odd sort of enjoyment in. He didn't want to do as good as his dads, he wanted to do better. And when anyone said he wouldn't make it to the majors, it just pissed him off, made him want it more, made him work harder for it. Fuck them, he was going to the show.

He's not sure what changed when he got to high school, why he started hating the push and the hours upon hours that his dad wanted him to put in day in and day out. Maybe that's why he volunteered to go into the squat when Zack went down. He'd told dad about it when he went home, scowling at the certainty and the suggestion that it wasn't a good idea, they'd worked so much on his mechanics. Pops had shrugged and said to take the position he was most comfortable with. Ezra had went to his coach the next day, fought for the position. A few weeks and he had them convinced.

He started getting moved, back and forth between first and catcher. Spent hours in the cage. He started growing his hair out in the playoffs, to Pop's amusement and his sister's disgust. Dad seemed quietly pleased by it. Ezra pushed them out. They didn't matter. He was going to the playoffs and he would take state and he would do it as a catcher, not as the second coming of The Freak.

They do, on the back of his three homers and a rather spectacular catch by Zack. He parties until one in the morning and stumbles into his hotel room with his arms around Zack's neck and Zack's hands on his ass, hauling him in close. They fall onto the bed together. He's on fire and wants this and he's scared to death at the same time. He has no doubt in his mind about where things are going with Zack, they've been on this path since the season started. It was always going to end up here.

Zack takes his time, patient, works Ezra over until he's shaking and begging for it and then keeps going. It hurts at first, brings tears to his eyes. Zack goes slow, so slow, until Ezra is clutching at his shoulders and moaning, arching underneath him and crying out each time Zack hits that spot. Ezra's heard about talkers in bed. HE never knew that he was one. He cries out sharply when he comes, rakes his nails down Zack's back. They fall asleep, sweaty and sore and fucking state champions.

In the morning, his whole body aches. He's hungover and pale, that that he isn't usually pale anyway. He showers, kisses Zack goodbye and meets his family in the lobby. They go to IHOP and he eats a metric ton of pancakes, talking little and shifting in his seat. Kylan gives him a knowing look and he flips her off, then scowls when Pops swats him upside the head. Kylan's jealous, that's all. He's a champ and she's a nerd and her boyfriend is nowhere near as gorgeous as his is.

There's a parade at home and rings are ordered and he finally, finally gets a car, the truck that he had begged for. It has a back seat that he can't wait to break in. He takes to spending more time out of the house than in it. His dad grows steadily more agitated and even Pops loses patience, telling Ezra that being a champ doesn't suddenly make him hot shit. He doesn't get to suddenly be lazy, he has to bust it harder, prove to scouts that he helped win that trophy and could win one for their teams.

His grades have always been decent but they slip a little, down to Cs as opposed to the scattering of As and Bs. He's not worried. Kylan is the brain, the one heading off to Yale in the fall. He's happy just to get by and play baseball. He takes a job in the summer, counselor at a camp that he and Zack have been going to since they played peewee. Dad objects, saying he's just going for Zack. But it's baseball and a little whining to his grandfather works wonders, Grandpa chiding until Dad and Pops have to give in.

He breaks his leg in two places halfway through the summer and it feels like the world drops out from beneath him.

Zack is there when his dads arrive, keeping him company in presence but saying little. He clears out soon after Ezra's parents arrive, knowing that Dad doesn't like him. It doesn't make Ezra as angry as it would if he were well. He's in pain even with the drugs. The doctors are talking about surgery and he's terrified for his future.

He spends a week in the hospital after the surgery before going home to get well presents and food from a myriad of friends and family. He spends the rest of the summer alternating between doctor appointments and hiding in his room. Zack doesn't call. Ezra gets acquainted with his dad's old DVD collection and decides that the British did TV best if things like Sherlock and Copper and Doctor Who are anything to go by.

Pops brings him a bowl of ice cream one day and sits on the edge of his bed, petting Ezra's hair. “When are you and dad going to start talking again, Ezra?”

“When he stops trying to run my life and decide my career for me.” Ezra mumbles, shoving a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth. Rocky road, his favorite. “Not that it matters anymore. I might not even be able to play. No one wants me.”

“You've got until spring to train and recover. Uncle Buster bounced back from a pretty horrific break himself.” Pops answers, frowning. “What do you mean, nobody wants you?”

“Nothing.”

“Trouble with Zack?”

Pops has generally had no problem with Zack unless Zack keeps Ezra out what he considers to be too late. Ezra hesitates but if he was going to talk to one of his parents, Pops is the preferable option. He nods, putting his ice cream on the night stand.

“He hasn't called.”

“He watched you break your leg. Might have scared him a little. Your dad couldn't see Buster for weeks after his accident.”

“But, I only ever got his attention because I played. He could have anyone but he liked how I play. What if he changes his mind or meets someone else while he's gone or when he leaves for school? Dallas King has a huge hard on for him Pops. He's fucking gorgeous too. I can't compete with fucking Dallas King.”

“Okay, first. Language. You're too smart to have to resort those kinds of words, no matter if they're a huge part of your dad's vocabulary.” Pops chides, thumping his shoulder. “Second, I'm not going to lie to you and promise that won't happen. Not everybody stays with their high school sweetheart forever. But if he did do that to you, do you think it'd be worth wasting your time moping over him?”

“Guess not.”

“Definitely not. As for your leg and baseball, we'll work on it. Your cast will be off not long after school starts. We'll train together. I need to get back into shape anyway.” Pops grins, patting his stomach. Yeah right. He's still ripped, enough that Dad drools any time he takes his shirt off. Ezra shudders at the though. Pops smirks like he knows what Ezra is thinking, getting off the bed and grabbing the empty bowl, heading out. He pauses in the doorway. “And take it easy on Dad, okay? He loves you a lot, just wants what's best for his baby boy.”

Ezra wants to grumble about not being a baby but it's hard to stay mad when he feels so much better. He googles for exercises he can do even with his leg broken, throws himself into physical therapy and an exercise routine. He starts living off of protein shakes, chicken breasts and salads, starts bulking up. He knows when Zack gets home from camp and when he leaves for college at Iowa State. He knows these things via word of mouth, because he never hears from Zack.

The cast comes off shortly after school starts and he dedicates himself to preparing for the season, for the show. He spends most of his free time training but still finds time to rule the school and the party circuit. He sleeps with a few girls and a lot of guys, deciding he much prefers dick but a nice set of tits once in a while is fun. He tries pot for the first time and gets drunk once in a while. He goes to see the Giants play ever chance he gets, dreams about putting on that uniform. He wonders if he'll be as good as his dads and his pseudo uncles.

As much as he argues with his dad about the future, he's always afraid of not being good enough, not measuring up to his expectations.

His strength and his leg build back up and when he goes out for baseball again, he clinches a position easily. The scouts start talking, start coming around to check him out. He thinks he even sees Burrell at one of his games. When spring break rolls around, so does Zack. Just looking at him makes Ezra inexplicably depressed when he wants to be angry. Wanting to kiss him stupid again just confuses Ezra further.

He goes out that night and gets so blindingly drunk that he's not sure he could tell anyone the names of the guy and girl that he slept with. Ezra doesn't even know if he had a good time or not. The only thing he remembers is calling his dads because they always told him and Kylan that they could call no matter what.

He sleeps until noon the next day and goes to the kitchen with the hangover from hell. He sits at the kitchen tables and rides out the lecture. He's a little impressed actually. He didn't know his dad could yell so loud.

To his own surprise and his parents unashamed joy, he's drafted by the giants. He takes going pro over college, to Pops's disappointment. Ezra's never been interested in being anything but a baseball player, he doesn't see the point of college. There's a few weeks of celebration and interviews and attention. He feels on top of the world until the second a heavily pregnant Anya Boyd tells him she's having his baby. He fights it, more because he's afraid than angry, at least until she says she's giving it up for adoption and just wanted him to know. There's no room in her life for a baby, she says. Her modeling career is what she cares about.

He manages to keep it hushed up for a couple weeks before the information makes it back to his dads via Kylan, who'd heard about it from an old classmate and thought that they knew. When Dad comes to him and asks about it, Ezra breaks down crying. He can't help himself. That baby is his, a part of him, and Anya just wants to toss it to the wayside because it would be in her way. He doesn't want to be a dad at 17, he's terrified and not ready, but he also doesn't want his kid being raised by a stranger.

He puts the brakes on the adoption, something his dads are uneasy about but support him in doing. He tells Anya that if she doesn't want the kid, fine, but he's keeping it. She's all too happy to be rid of what she considers a problem. It makes him angry but he tries not to think about it. He has other things to think about, like how he's going to raise a child on his own while chasing a spot in the show and whether or not to forgive Zack, who just won't go away.

His dads decorate a nursery even though he's going to be leaving home soon. His son is born in October and comes home to a room painted sky blue and filled with antique furniture scavenged from various sources. Ezra splits his time between training and his son and off and on dates with Zack. His life isn't anything like what he'd planned it to be but there's no disappointment. Life is what you make of it. He's going to make his and his son's fantastic.


End file.
